The Joys of Sky Mall and What You Do to Entertain Yourself on a 13 Hour Flight

First off, I've made it to Delhi in one piece. The flight actually got in early which usually never happens, so things have run pretty smoothly so far. We flew into the new international terminal at Indira Gandhi International Airport which is quite spacious and modern. It proved somewhat different than the "controlled chaos" my uncle described his first experience in the airport as being.

The ride from the airport was a little different story.  There's no such thing as defensive driving in India. Driver's, at least on our half-hour drive to the hotel, didn't pay much attention to lane lines and used their horns as a means of letting other cars know where they were on the road. Pedestrians and bicyclists (of which there are many, even on the shoulders of highways) aren't really slowed down for but driven around. Being a sprawling city of over 12 million people means there's plenty of traffic.

It's morning here now and soon we'll be starting the day after a needed nights sleep to recover from the 13 hour plane ride. Here's a few notes I jotted from that marathon session of air travel:

Flying Over: The vicinity of Godthab, Greenland

11:38 PM CST

Distance from New Delhi: 5,459 miles

Think to myself Godthab would be a good name for a metal band, not necessarily for a city. Wonder just what kind of person can survive Greenland in Februrary. The obvious answer is Greenlanders. The better question is why would you even want to try? Attempting it in a place with a forlorn-sounding name like Godthab can’t help your chances.

Flying Over: Norweigan Sea, North of Faroe Islands

Distance from New Delhi: 4,222 miles

1:38 am CST

First off, completely unfamiliar with what the Faroe Islands are and what country has jurisdiction over them, Remember, I have no Internet access in the sky, so these types of questions have to go unanswered for now (they are part of Denmark), Also, I don’t  mean to be the in-flight morality police but we’re hitting a  little turbulence and there’s a lot of people out of their seats walking around. The fasten seat-belt sign is on people. Do you pay no mind to the pre-flight instructional briefing. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m a dinging sound fearing man. Also, I'm sitting a row of five seats with only 3 of them occupied. A politeness waiting game begins between me and the other two women in the row to see who will stretch out and use the two empty seats to sleep. (Eventually I lose out, oh well.)

Flying Over: White Sea, Russia

3:28 AM CST

3,128 miles from New Delhi

I absolutely love Sky Mall and the duty-free catalogs on flights for their comedic value. Who decides they absolutley need a putting green with automated Scotch decanter at 30,000 feet? What person flips through the glossy offerings of Sky Mall and is compelled to purchase the personalized fountain pin that also doubles as a water pic? Why would someone buy a replica suit of armor from an in-flight catalog? These are questions social scientists have yet to solve. Here are a few real selections I thought were tailored perfectly for the consumer with a disposable income and no clue how to spend it.

The Sit-N-Stroll Deluxe

Retails for 39.95

Billed as a portable foot exerciser that “provides the benefits of walking while your sitting in your favorite spot,” the Sit-N-Stroll is not your father’s walking simulator. That’s because your father never had a walking simulator.  He actually got up and walked. While 39.95 plus shipping and handling is no fortune it’s a steep price to pay for the “walking” experience, one of the last truly free pastimes known to man.

Baby Quasar Photo Rejuvination Light Therapy Device

Retails for 399.00

You must pay by the word for the self-proclaimed most powerful and effective anti-aging consumer device available.

The Lord Raffles Lion-Throne Chair

Retails for 1,850

Do I own a chair with an “exquisite scroll-worked back?”How about one that is “hand-upolstered in a heraldic tapestry of gold?”  If the answer is no, how much longer can I afford to live without one? These are questions that invariably run through the average passengers mind at least once a flight. A product catered to the many Medieval monarchs flying these days, this throne is a must for anyone who has indulged in too much duty-free booze and is sure to be an instant source of buyers remorse once they sober up. Goes perfect with the Sit-N-Stroll.

The Video Recording Sunglasses

Retails for 199.95

A must-have for the well-funded Peeping Tom or aspiring stalker.

Flying Over: Kabul, Afghanistan

7:42 AM CST

Distance from New Delhi: 624 miles

Wishing it was daylight because the mountainous terrain of Afghanistan is supposed to be beautiful from the air. It's strange to watch the plane's progress over Afghanistan knowing beneath you in the darkness that war is being waged. Even though I'm 30,000 feet up the knowledge that you're flying over the area puts the conflict into perspective a little bit. It's not just some place in the news, it's a real plot of land. You know that's the case sitting in far-off Minneapolis too, but actually flying over it sparks a new kind  of awareness that's hard to put your finger on.

Well, I should close for now and prepare to get my first taste of Delhi. Plenty more to write about soon...

-Nate